8. Drops him off at the golf course! Important advice: if you golf during the election, make sure you cast your absent-tee ballot! Your support helps us to write more entertaining articles for you and all joke-lovers , Now, enough talking, lets swing this thing. Which is the easiest golf stroke? A young golfer was playing in his first PGA Tour event. 20. And he says, "Oh, uh, there won't be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness." If you think its hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball. Jack Lemmon, a true comedian on and off the course. I just havent played yet. Muhammed Ali, I mean, who else could say something like this? Bring some friends, and we can play a foursome. Bobby Darnel, If you want to hook a ball turn both hands toward the right side on the grip or shaft. Jordan is a golf lover and the founder of Cyber Caddie. A great shot is when you pull it off. Again the announcement: Would the man on the womens tee kindly back up the mens tee!, Mike had had enough and shouted: Would the horses ass in the clubhouse with the loud speaker kindly shut up and let me play my damn second shot!. The true funniest golf quotes of all time are likely never put to paper and aren't spoken by golfers or celebrities. Dave Barry, If you drink, dont drive. That's mispronounced Spanish for cat which is another word foryou get the idea. Golfs three ugliest words: Still your shot. Dave Marr, 36. Besides that, I love to explore. These are results of some deep thoughts and observations from their lives and are like our lives because we are all human. All through the night they made wild love together. Without trust, it feels like you and your golf club are on opposite sides of a tug-of-war. Dr. Joseph Parent, 9. 23+ Revolutionary Sayings From Corrie Ten Boom | Free Hd Background Pictures Download, 52+ Knowledgeable Sayings On Cosmetologist | Free Hd Background Pictures Download, 43+ Motivating Sayings On Hungry | Free Hd Background Pictures Download, TOP 50 Inspirational Golf Quotes & Sayings | Download Images, 58+ Funny Tennis Quotes | Free Images & Pictures Download, TOP 50 Funny Sports Quotes | HD Images & Pictures Download. Paul Gallico, I regard golf as an expensive way of playing marbles. clubs. Golf is a puzzle without an answer. Check it out now! The most important shot in golf is the next one. Ben Hogan making a joke, we think, it was hard to tell with him. Say what you want about the other sports, none of them hold a candle to golf when it comes to inspirational and downright funny quotes. How do you "Tiger" proof a golf course? Jack Lemmon, There are many things you can successfully fake in businessbut a good golf swing isnt one of them. If you worry about the ones you missed, you are going to keep missing them. Walter Hagen, 47. It can be rewarding. If everything was given to you, it wouldnt feel as good when you achieve it. Annika Sorenstam, 24. Use these pick up lines to your advantage in starting a chat with your guy or girl. Would you like to see my Slazenger along with my freshly cleaned balls? I have 10 sons, one more and I will have my own football team., To which the Mormon replies, You fellas aint got a clue. document.getElementById("copyright_year").innerHTML = new Date().getFullYear(); We do our best to represent colors accurately, but viewing screens vary from one to another, and from real life. Harry Vardon, There is no movement in golf that cannot be made more difficult through diligent study and practice. If you win through bad sportsmanship, thats no real victory. Babe Didrikson Zaharias, 11. Concentrate on the one fault you want to overcome. Sam Snead, 55. Were done with golf puns and jokes, but well leave you with a bonus the top 10 not actually dirty golf innuendos: What are some of your favorite golf puns? After 18 holes I can barely walk. Why didnt the golfer finish his homework? Sawdust City LLC. "I'm in my bed you're in your bed ". "Golf is the perfect thing to do on a Sunday because you spend more time praying on the course than if you went to church." brockoli117 on Reddit.com. Tell me what your favorite sports game is, and I will tell you, who you are. What is the similarity between four-putting and masturbation? Spread your legs a little more. You may have heard these renowned quotes about funny golf before. A man got on a bus with both of his front pant pockets full of golf balls. "I regard golf as an expensive way of playing marbles.". Why didnt the golfer get his homework done? Why are computers such naturally good golfers? Have a look at these best picture quotes of funny golf. Days when you just dont have it, you dont pack it in, you give it everything youve got. If you break 80, watch your business. So that you can share them back, with the whole world. And it's damn funny. A good golfer has the determination to win and the patience to wait for the breaks. Gary Player, 53. The famed author of Centaur, John Updike wrote about the gentleman's game with some regularity. Henry Beard, Like clubs inside my golf bag / each verse a different face / Some to drive straight down the course / others lift and then embrace. 1. The little ball that sat motionless, defying you to hit it. Do you know why the game is called golf? 2. Wodehouse, 31. What did the Mormon say to his golfing buddies? How do you know you should be a golfer? If you break 80, watch your business.". Your butt reminds me of St Andrews.. Hard and Firm. No matter what you shoot the next day you have to go back to the first tee and begin again and make yourself into something. How do you know a golfer is cheating on his wife? How many does he do?, Man: Well, that depends on how hard I kick him in the ass.. Where do ghosts play golf in the afterlife? A golf ball can be driven 300 yards. Please read here for more information. Golf is a compromise between what your ego wants you to do, what experience tells you to do, and what your nerves let you do. Bruce Crampton making us think more than wed like to. "We learn so many things from golfhow to suffer, for instance." Lansky's quote is funny because, well, as golfers we're all a little bit masochistic. Jim Murray. I derive a great deal of pleasure from it, but it is disgusting to watch. the flag cant jump. Jack Burke, Every golfer worthy of the name should have some acquaintance with the principles of golf course design, not only for the betterment of his game but for his own selfish enjoyment. but I can show you what is! Your email address will not be published. The lowest score wins. As he is about to tee off, an old gentleman shuffles onto the tee and asks if he can join him. My doctor told me I cant play golf. Oh, when did he play with you?. So what's it gonna be today, Stroke Play or Skins? To find a mans true character, play golf with him. P.G. I was actually enjoying it. Fantastic 4-some. Golf is more complicated than that. Golf is a game that is special and unique in that there is always something to learn. "Golf is my profession. Golfing is like masturbation, sex, or pooping?! -Happy Gilmore. Although the same can be said of the rest of the items on this list, just reading the quote doesn't really do justice to its comedic value. 4. Jeff Foxworthy, In order to develop a golf swing, your thoughts must run in the right direction. So we finish the 18th, and he's gonna stiff me. Having Fun since 2020 Jokes Quotes Factory Have a carrot! Your email address will not be published. Noah. Jan 1, 2016 - Explore Uwharrie Point | Golf Communit's board "Golf Quotes", followed by 482 people on Pinterest. Many golfing terms sound naughty. Apparently, you cant get out of here with a seven. It took me 17 years to get 3,000 hits in baseball. Robert Fuller Murray, Be a mind beater-not a ball beater. 1. Golf turns outdoors into indoors, a prefab mat of stultified grass, processed, pesticided, herbicided, the pseudo-green of formica sterilityThe enemy of wildness, it is a demonstration of the absolute dominion of man over wild nature. Why is Hearts a golfers worst card game? Wanna be my caddy? From the moment I saw you, I've had a vertical shaft angle. Get a Free Golf Handicap in the 18Birdies App. "The difference in golf and government is that in golf you can't improve your lie.". 6. Like chess, golf is a game that is forever challenging but can never be conquered. Harvey Penick, 10. For more great quotes on life, golf and from books and authors, check out this site and this site. These quotes and images about funny golf are the truest, wisest, and most positive ones to be found on the web. We share them in our weekly newsletter. Why do golfers carry a spare pair of golf shorts? I'm a bit tired so how about we just play your backside tonight? In the Golf of Mexico! I hope you like it rough because I don't replace my divots. My drives aren't always long and straight. Pretty is as pretty does. Harvey Penick, 61. He always puts his driver in the wrong bag. How I Lost Weight Playing Golf & Other Golf Benefits, Golf And Fitness Tips from a TPI Golf Fitness Instructor, How to Improve Your Handicap and Golf Game, How To Know What Golf Club to Use on the Golf Course, Goal Setting is a Great Way to Improving Your Golf Game, Best Putters for Women 2023 Find the Best Ladies Putters, Black Friday and Cyber Monday Golf Discounts. Who taught Elin Nordegren to swing a golf club? Playing golf is fun and exciting, but these Short Golf Jokes will make your game enjoyable. Ben Hogan, And theres many neat cottages with gardens very nice / And picturesque villas, which can be rented at a reasonable price / Besides, theres a golf course for those that such a game seeks / Which would prove a great attraction to the knights of clubs and cleeks. If you continue to use this site we will assume that you are happy with it. Golfing is a lot like masturbation. 5. It bends a little to the left. Why do golfers wear two pairs of pants? Recently, I have discovered that Blogging can be quite a useful way, to share. Therefore weve combined it together and compiled these hilarious Golf Jokes for Seniors that Im sure youll like. You wont be able to keep your head down long enough. Well, what can you really say about the great Chi Chi Rodriguez's quote? 3. Whos there? Rory McIlroy has a GOOD driver! There are no time constraints, as there are in other sports. 7. Hitting the ball well is about thirty percent of it. Very interesting. Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? Just tap it in. When your golf cart capsizes. John excitedly calls out to his golfing partner: Hey Don, come here. It means, in so many words, that if you can golf when the wind is blowing youre a man; if not, youre still a boy. "If you break 100, watch your golf. Please sign up with your best email address. 21. Youngman is credited with inventing the "Take my wifeplease" trope. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. There are three ways to improve your golf game: take lessons, practice constantly or start cheating. Joey Adams, A well-hit golf shot is a feeling that goes up the shaft, right through your hands, and into your heart. The blonde kept looking quizzically at him and his obviously bulging pants. ~ Sijin Bt. Jack Lemmon is probably remembered best for his roles in The Odd Couple and The Apartment. Everyday I'm Schauffele. Are you into kinky stuff? I just finished a round of golf, wanna be my 19th hole today? The battle that raged inside each players head. Always make a total effort, even when the odds are against you. Arnold Palmer, 65. What kind of model is Paige Spiranac? And now it will be poisoned for you. Youre too out-of-shape to play in the church softball league. Trust is one of the most important qualities in the game of golf. -Bob Hope Dec 10, 2020 - Explore Shelby Clark's board "Dirty Golf" on Pinterest. The only sure rule in golf is he who has the fastest cart never has to play the bad lie. Why do golfers put minus signs in front of their scores? Family Game: Do you really know your Family? Boo who? Its to move on. Hi there! After 18 holes, I can barely walk. Or on top." "I have lovemaking with you a lot in my head." "Let's have a 'who's better in b3d' contest. Jack Lemmon, a true comedian on and off the course. Competitive golf is played mainly on a five-and-a-half-inch course the space between your ears. I once played a course that was so tough, I lost two balls in the ball washer! I have 17 wives, one more and I will have a golf course!. Whos there? Why dont grasshoppers play golf? "Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air.". Keep your sense of humor. Whats the shortest distance between the tee and the hole? Palmer, how do you make a 3 iron back up like that?, Mr. Palmer replied, Do you own a 3 iron?. Robert Fuller Murray, The uglier a mans legs are, the better he plays golf. I . He missed short putts because of the uproar of the butterflies in the adjoining meadows. Ewan McGregor, It took me seventeen years to get three thousand hits in baseball. We have a threesome, care to join us? Golf is a game in which you yell fore, shoot six, and write down five. Paul Harvey calling every golfer out. Get in the hole! Sometimes a good joke can lighten up the mood. If you don't take it seriously, it's no fun; if you do take it seriously, it breaks your heart." - Arthur Daley. You want some dirty golfing jokes, we got them for you. "Your game is so bad you had to have your ball retriever re-gripped!" Babe Ruth once said, "It took me 17 years to get three thousand hits in baseball. You okay with that? Golf: A five-mile walk punctuated with frequent disappointments. Why dont skeletons play golf? That round was so poor, I think Im going to jump into the lake by the 16th and drown myself, I honestly doubt that. You can enjoy both of them even if youre terrible at it! I had a terrible round today, I only hit two good balls, and that was when I stepped on a rake. The technical storage or access is required to create user profiles to send advertising, or to track the user on a website or across several websites for similar marketing purposes. Gerald Ford, I tried real hard to play golf, and I was so bad at it they would have to check me for ticks at the end of the round because Id spent about half the day in the woods. I'm a bit tired, so can we just play your backside tonight? Figure out your weakness and dont make it your weakness anymore. Stacy Lewis, 60. I collected hilarious jokes about golfing; some are very clean and others are like an old golf ball: pretty used and dirty. Golf puts a mans character on the anvil and his richest qualitiespatience, poise, restraintto the flame. Billy Casper, 16. Just in case they get a slice! Golf Skirts & Golf Skorts Stylish, Fun & Comfortable. Excuse me, Miss, are you looking for the fairway? Moe Norman, ALL of us play our very best game / Any other time / Golf or billiards, its all the same / Any other time / Lose a match and you always say, Just my luck! Short Golf Sayings And Quotes For Good Luck Shots, Funny Golf Quotes For Ladies And Gentlemen, TOP 30 Best Sayings On Theory | Free Hd Wallpaper Pictures Download, TOP 30 Meaningful Sayings On Sweet Love | Free Hd Background Images Download, TOP 30 Notable Quotes About Subtle | Free Hd Wallpaper Pictures Download, TOP 30 Meaningful Quotes About Volunteerism | Free Hd Background Images Download, TOP 30 Top Quotes About Snuggle | Free Hd Background Pictures Download, 27+ Revolutionary Sayings On Hysterical | Free Hd Background Images Download, TOP 30 Favorite Sayings About Hypocrites | Free Hd Background Images Download, 92+ Meaningful Sayings About Hypocrisy | Free Hd Wallpaper Images Download, 21+ Creative Sayings About Hypnosis | Free Hd Wallpaper Pictures Download, 12+ Beautiful Sayings On Hype | Free Hd Background Pictures Download. Golf Quotes About Life 22. George Deukmejian waxing prophetic. "We learn so many things from golfhow to suffer, for instance.". Top Ten Golf Phrases That Sound Dirty But Aren't: 10. Relate what your buddy said after a five-putt, the joke your grandfather made about the ballwasher or your golf junkie pal's philosophy about the parallel between golf and life. Golf is the closest game to the game we call life. I just got a call my wife has had a life threatening car accident and Im worried I might not make it.. 2023 Lynn on the Links, LLC All Rights Reserved. Features: Size: 3.5x10 inches Made from solid knotty pine Routed slot in back for hanging plus flat edges for optional shelf-sitting. I enjoy this bit of golf/life wisdom. Basketball is a sport for black men. I smile at obstacles. Tiger Woods, 13. 2. The man who can go into a patch of rough alone, with the knowledge that only God is watching him, and play his ball where it lies, is the man who will serve you faithfully and well. Are you looking for some funny jokes? Another Ball in the Trees. Of course, after painting the Mona Lisa, you'll likely soon be back to bleeding. If there has been one fundamental reason for my success, this is it. Gene Sarazen, 22. You get bad breaks from good shots, good breaks from bad shots but you have to play where it lies. Bobby Jones, 23. Many of them contain words and phrases that are unable to grace this slideshow. In case they get a hole-in-one! A threesome were getting ready to tee off on the 10thwhen they notice a single player, running up the fairway, taking a shot almost immediately to then run up to the green for a 3 putt to put it in. Youre shooting for the green, and yet, in the end you find yourself in the hole. You swing left and the ball goes right. Bruce Lansky, Author. What do you jot down if you dont remember if you hit a 6 or a 7? Answer: Roarin Mcilroy. Such is the game. O'Grady's comment relates the essence of the experience of a lot of rounds of golf for a lot of golfers. I always said you have to be really smart or really dumb to play this game well. Golfing? He was perfecting his swing. Because you coming back to my hotel is the only fair way for this evening to go. A lot of Seniors love playing golf and also, they love jokes. So, what are your thoughts? Daphne du Maurier, With many twists and holes life is much like a golf game; without bats, you cannot Play. A bad attitude is worse than a bad swing. Payne Stewart, 48. Golf is like doing your taxes. This position should feel sort of unnatural and should permit you to hook the ball without altering your golf swing. What is the difference between Rory McIlroy and Princess Diana? Achieve more with each and every round you play. If the point of golf is to hit the ball less, then do I win if I don't play at all? Because he walked into the wrong club! Ben Hogan. I'm gonna pound you like I do these range balls. It has taken me nearly forty years to discover that I cant play it. Its possible, by too much of it, to destroy the mind. 20. I'm pretty good with my short putts. The grass is clean, a lawn laundry that wipes away the mud, the insect, the bramble, nettle, and thistle, an Eezy-wipe lawn where nothing of life, dirty and glorious, remains. Where can you find a golfer on a Saturday night? 4. Your email address will not be published. Confidence is the most important single factor in this game, and no matter how great your natural talent, there is only one way to obtain and sustain it: work. Jack Nicklaus, 3. As you walk down the fairway of life, you must smell the roses, for you only get to play one round. Ben Hogan, 25. A married couple were golfing when all of a sudden the wife asks, Wife: Honey, if I die, will you marry again?, Wife: Will you let her sleep in our bed?, Wife: Would you even let her use my golf clubs?. My swing is so bad, I look like a caveman killing his lunch. "If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.". It's not the size of your putter that counts, its how many strokes you take. See you in the Email! Colleen Ferrari Bader, And does the man walk always so? If a man comes home with sand in his cuffs and cockleburs in his pants, don't ask him what he shot. The worst club in my bag is my brain. Chris Perry, 42. Yiha, you are already subscribed with this email :). Billy Graham, Show me a man who is a good loser and Ill show you a man who is playing golf with his boss. 3 / 10. I tell it that this isnt going to hurt a bit. Mickey Mantle, Competitive golf is played mainly on a five-and-a-half-inch course the space between your ears. And I say, "Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know?" They have been there where we are standing now. / In despair my overburdened spirit sinks / Till I wish that every golfer was in glory / And I pray the sea may overflow the links. It will test your patience. The reason most politicians are golfers is that they lie better with more practice & experience. You're like an ugly dog-leg, but I'd still like to tee off. After some deliberation, he takes out his 3 iron and sails the ball 20 feet over the pin, and backs it up to within 3 feet of the pin. Ben Hogan, The golf swing has been endlessly analyzed, and yet it still remains a mystery. A Jew, a Catholic and a Mormon are having drinks at the bar after an interfaith convention. What do you call a lion playing golf? No, but I'm willing to screw in them. Lift your head and spread your legs. Golf is a lot like life. I had a hole in nothing. Short Golf Jokes & Puns 1. Because her coach was a pumpkin. What should you do if you're golfing near lightning? They like cricket better. Always keep learning. Dirt your body. "The most important shot in golf is the next one." Golf is a game invented by God to punish people who retire early. After several minutes of pondering how to hit the shot, the old man says, You know, when I was your age, Id hit the ball right over that tree. With the challenge before him, the young man swings hard, hits the ball, watches it fly into the branches, rattle around, and land with a thud a foot from where it had started. Seeing the astonished look on her face, he calmly said, "Well, you said I had to choose, right?" Golf is about how well you accept, respond to, and score with your misses much more so than it is a game of your perfect shots. Dr. Bob Rotella, 64. Thats how long a Scotsman takes to finish a bottle of Scotch!
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